WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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