We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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