i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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