i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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