I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
