Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
