Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
