You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
