dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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