If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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