I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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