the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
