So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Boobs are out for the taking
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
