How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
