I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize