The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
