Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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