i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
