i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
