I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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