It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
