Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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