Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize