were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
