Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
