I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
