and you said cock pushups were impossible
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
