I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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