Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
