bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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