yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
