I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
