You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
