Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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