I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love you.
Bad choice
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