Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
