Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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