It's Friday. Sex?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
