I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I believe in your delicious
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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