opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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