dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
