I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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