I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
