so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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