she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
