hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
