i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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