IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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