She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
