I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize