so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
