I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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