Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
