? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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