ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
