My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
