You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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