I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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