Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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