The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
