I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
