She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
