This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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