I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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