Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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