i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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